Archive for the ‘Mindset Development’ Category
I had my Flip Video handy at a cookout with friends recently, and captured a discussion on how men are responsible for their wive’s emotional problems. Â Yes, you heard right… men are responsible (so he says, jokingly, of course). Â Watch the video:
Are Men Really Responsible?
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No, silly… but you already know that! Â You don’t have to listen to country music to know that relationships ain’t easy. Having success in them can almost seem like a game of chance. After all, experts will tell you that any one marriage has but a 50-50 chance of success. That’s a scary way of looking at things–and completely wrong. There are ways you can keep your relationships strong no matter what comes at you. One surefire way is to make sure that your relationship “bank account” is always in the black. It’s not too hard to imagine your relationship with your spouse–or anybody else in your life–as a relationship bank account. What are you “investing” in this bank account? Your emotions, your attentions, your affections, your kindness.
Sometimes you could have relationships that are in the red, in arrears even! But if your relationship account is in the black, that means you could have a “debit” and still remain in the clear–still in the black.
Not sure still what the black and the red mean?
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You probably have already felt what I mean with these relationship bank accounts with the various people you have relationships with. When you are in the black, you feel comfortable around them, can feel their warmth when they see you, and have no tension between you. But when you are in the red, you might not feel trust or trusted, or you might feel like the other person is misreading your words, or perhaps you are looking too much into theirs.
Let’s use that example of a marriage again for another illustration of a relationship bank account. When you are in the black in a marriage, you have an overflowing emotional, sexual, and spiritual connection to your partner. You feel loved and respected, and you are making sure your partner feels the same way. If this is the case, you two will be able to weather a crisis without your relationship being torn asunder. We’re talking a major crisis, like a death in the family, a financial blowup, or a serious sickness, but a “crisis” could also be those everyday varieties that pop up, like missing your partner’s birthday because of a business trip. Or how about if you’ve been spending more time lately with your friends than your spouse? In a healthy relationship–one in the black–these situations might prompt a conversation, but things will be worked out and that relationship bank account will still have a nice balance in it at the end of the day. But in an unhealthy relationship in the red, even the little incidents can trigger what seems like the end. You and your spouse will argue, stop talking, feel frustrated in each other’s presence. The couch might become one of your beds.
Feelings of being taken for granted, of being disrespected, can lead to broken hearts and lost love. And I’m not even talking about a real crisis, like a death or illness.
So, how’s your relationship bank account?
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Feeling a little low? Nervous to check your balance? Don’t be. One simple way to turn your relationship bank account in good order is to start first with your own account. Are you personally running on empty, feeling emotionally in the red? Build yourself back to emotional health, and your personal bank account will overflow into your relationship bank accounts. After all, if you feel like you don’t have time for yourself and your own happiness, how will you tend to your spouse’s happiness? Give yourself a little love, and you’ll have more than enough to spare for others.
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photo credit: Nathan Dainty
In an effort to gain inspiration for the article you’re now reading, I asked my husband what he’d like to see me write about. Just a moment of silence and he said, “How do I improve my jumpshot?” That wasn’t exactly the inspiration I was looking for, but I did ask for his opinion, and in an effort to take his answer seriously, I took on the challenge. Just an FYI though, this article ISN’T about how to improve your jumpshot. (Or my husband’s. I found a great article on the web and forwarded it for his perusal.) It is, however, how my husband’s jumpshot is a lot like life. Â Or rather, the lessons life can teach us about creating change.
You see, just as my husband asked the question about his jumpshot, what shot through my brain and what came out of my mouth were two different things (a wise choice, I can assure you!). In my brain I thought, >> More..
“What a difference a day makes,” I said as I looked around my home this morning, the day after an impromptu cookout with my friends. Five children and eight adults all having a great time, you can imagine the aftermath!Â
As soon as I said it, I thought a little bit deeper about that statement.
What a difference a day makes.Â
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I love the song by the Miriam Dee Band, especially the part where Miriam belts out, “Twenty-four little hours, brought the sun and the flowers, where there used be rain. …”  Time does change things, but >> More..
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I have found it - the definition of authenticity! Sure, there are plenty of Toms, Dicks, and Harrys out there who claim to know all about “authentic” life styles. They say, “Listen to me. I can guide you to happiness!” Then they charge you an arm and a leg. But I think I have found the real definition of authenticity. Here it is, for free I might add.  (You’re welcome!)
It comes by way of Brian Goldman, a graduate student at the University of Georgia in Athens. He was digging through centuries-old research and philosophy when he uncovered >> More..
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Now, before I begin, let me be crystal clear: This is neither a political statement nor a religious statement, and you won’t find my opinion on either in this post (although I do have one).
This bumper sticker caught my attention as a challenge. “I can’t?” Frustrated by the rules and beliefs we lay down for others, I was reminded of John Mayer’s song Belief. (You know the one… he says, “We’re never gonna beat this if belief is what we’re fighting for” - remember?) Issuing a blanket statement about something is merely a belief, and then putting a rule on top of that (like, “You CAN’T be catholic and pro-abortion”) is a recipe for disaster.
Assuming (as I do), that we live in world where disturbances of life are created by our mind, >> More..
