photo credit: jakub_hla

I take no credit whatsoever for Neil Clark Warren’s “Characteristics of Authentic People” (below), but in a time of busyness, chaos, and for some, troubled-waters at home and at work, authentic living is, I think, all we have to fall back on.  Living according to your Core Self is the best reminder of living authentically.

Because our society so heavily emphasizes externals - what we can see, touch, and taste - there is not much discussion inn the media, at social gatherings, or even around family dinner tables about what it means to be internally authentic and genuine.  Likewise, there is little dialogue about how to achieve a deep level of life satisfaction.

The lack of discourse on these topics leaves many people vague and unclear when it comes to the issues of contentment and authenticity.  We’re left with many questions;  How do we know - exactly - what it means to be authentic?  How can we recognize this quality in others and in ourselves?  What are the internal ingredients that will lead to contentment?

If you agree with me that contentment is contingent upon being authentic, then we would be wise to know precisely what authenticity looks like.  I believe ten characteristics are present in authentic people.  These are, in fact, the very threads that weave together the fabric of enduring contentment.

1.  Authentic People Live In The Present

It’s all too easy to live life in the future or in the past.  When this happens we relive the glories and missed opportunities of years gone by or we yearn for the better days ahead.  In either case, we fail to experience life as it happens.  You know someone, I’m sure, who always talks about the days of old (”Remember when our college football team played for the championship and I scored the winning touchdown?”) or how life will improve in the future (”When the kids are grown and out of the house, I’ll be free to do what I want”).  There’s nothing wrong with having fond memories of the past and aspirations for the future, but when they dominate your life focus, you miss the joy and richness of life as it unfolds.

Dr. Thomas Oden of Drew University recognized that primarily anxiety and guilt keep us from focusing on the present.  He argued persuasively that anxiety almost always relates to the future.  When we doubt our ability to handle prospective challenges, our anxiety increases.  Consequently, we devote more thought and energy to these matters.  We worry, fret, and stew over what might happen.  And the more we focus on the future, the less available we are to the present.

Similarly, Dr. Oden said guilt almost always has to do with the past - mistakes we made, problems we didn’t handle wisely, projects we left undone, people we let down.  The guilt we experience about past events causes us to continue attending to them, and this preoccupation also shifts our focus away from the present.

As we endeavor to live in a way that is true to our inner thoughts, convictions, and inclinations, we will increase the likelihood of living in the present.  We will manage daily events and problems in a more thorough and thoughtful way, thereby creating less guilt.  As we experience our ability to work wisely through each new challenge, we become more and more assured that we will be able to handle whatever our future holds.  Our mastery of the present reduces our anxiety about the future and frees us to focus even more on the immediate.  This is the powerful momentum that emotional health tends to create for us.  On the other hand, when forgiveness and hope are absent for us, the same powerful momentum is equally likely in reverse.

2.  Authentic People are Free of Fear

When you are in complete harmony with your internal world, there is nothing to be anxious about.  You have nothing to hide, and you can freely be yourself.  If you are true to yourself in every moment, confidently living out who you are, there is no fear of rejection from others, no fear of being “caught” doing something you would feel bad about, no fear of having to measure up to standards others impose on you.

Authentic people need not worry about being inconsistent or duplicitous, having to act one way around some people and another way around others.  There is no pretense to maintain or image to keep polished.  There is no apprehension about how you respond to other people - or how they respond to you.

Nothing is so liberating as simply being yourself as fully as you know how.  It was Soren Kierkegaard who made the ultimate goal famous: “To be that self which one truly is.”

When your goal is to stand in the middle of all your data and make a choice about who you are in that moment, you have no need for fear.

3.  Authentic People are Not Judgmental

We cannot develop authenticity unless we have unconditional positive regard for ourselves.  Positive regard means accepting yourself fully for who you are, appreciating your unique makeup and design, having a high degree of self-respect, and basing your sense of worth or value not on achievement or performance, but on intrinsic value established at the outset.

People who have nonjudgmental attitudes are almost always authentic.  This doesn’t mean, of course, that they make no judgments; after all, careful assessments play a major role in the contented life.  But it does mean that while they’re judging issues and problems, they always offer positive regard to others.  They evaluate thoughts and opinions - even ones they disagree with - while treating those who hold them with complete respect and dignity.  They don’t have to be better than someone else is.  They don’t have to satisfy someone else’s criteria to feel good about themselves. They are in touch with the deepest and best of their internal world.  That’s why they can be so generous in their attributions of worth to others.

4.  Authentic People Genuinely Appreciate Themselves

People who appreciate themselves are self-confident and secure, not cocky and conceited.  The difference is easy to identify over time.  When a person is conceited, he acts defensive, competitive, arrogant, and perhaps even hostile.  But a person who is truly self-confident exudes a sense of inner security, assurance and composure.

Appreciating yourself in a healthy way has everything to do with a proper self-concept.  When I talk with someone, four clues tell me if the person has a healthy self-concept or not:

Pace of interaction.  I discover quickly when a person is unsure of himself - he talks too much or too little, too fast or too slow.  He leaves no room for me to be involved in the conversation, or he expects me to carry the entire conversation.  He and I are not in harmony with each other, and that’s often a strong indication that he’s not in harmony with himself.

Defensiveness.  If the person seems overly sensitive, easily threatened or hurt, or determined to win me over to his point of view, I know he feels insecure.  This type of defensiveness is usually a sign that he perceives his self-worth to be in question and that he feels a pressing need to convince me that he is okay.

Self-image.  People who have a well-developed self-image are almost always positive and kind when talking about themselves.  They may point out their inconsistencies and shortcomings but usually in the context of a broader and more favorable view of themselves.  This benevolent attitude also holds true when they are talking about other people.

Anger management.  A person with a well-developed self-concept will know how to manage anger in a positive way.  Even when the individual has a lot of anger, it isn’t explosive and damaging to relationships.  It can be channeled appropriately and used as a constructive resource.

Developing a healthy self-concept and appreciating yourself are signs that you’ve done a lot of inner work, that you’ve become comfortable with who you are, and that you are seeking wholeness.  And all of these components are fundamental to contentment.

5.  Authentic People Hunger for the Truth

When you encounter the rare person who is dedicated to the whole truth in any given moment, you will note that they are in touch with their deepest and most profound inner parts.  They are being fully themselves, and this is what authenticity is all about.

(The above excerpt from Neil Clark Warren’s “Characteristics of Authentic People.)

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